After the fact, I've done some reading. Google is all that could help me out, so take it with a grain of salt if you want to, and I didn't dare ask any of the people at the time, but I feel like I should have gone back to the gate house and asked, perhaps, even if I would have felt a bit foolish.
So there's been reports of a woman's presence haunting the place going back centuries.
The exact spot where I was, I later found by looking at a map of the buildings, was near an old section of quarters for married couples, and close by a demi-bastion and the battlements overlooking the sea. This, it is said, is where she leapt to her death.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
What was it?
Cross posted from NiH because I don't have the energy or courage to go through this memory twice.
I like being able to explain things. I'm an annoying know-it-all-wannabe. I shout out the answers during Jeopardy!.
I cannot explain what happened today, and that scares the shit out of me more than the actual event itself. Even if I could, no one would believe me, or they'd think I imagined it. Geez, if I'd been in a dark room by myself late at night, I'd chalk it up to imagination; but this was broad daylight. I reacted physically. I can't recall anything like this ever happening, exactly. Maybe I repress things, I don't know. Why now? Why would I sense something now?
I was exploring an old fort that's a tourist attraction, locally. I wandered off to a side of the fort where some workers were digging something, but still a ways off. I went down some earthworks towards a demi-bastion and some ruined buildings near the outer wall where there was no one. I looked, before and after, and there was no one about.
I peered into an old kind of store-room or something tiny, then turned to go into the next archway, which led to a larger room, I don't know what purpose it was, but it had a window, so I think it couldn't have been just a store-room, maybe a living space of some sort--all the other store rooms in the fort had no windows.
All of the rooms I'd seen were damp, being unsealed against rain and probably with things seeping through the cracks in the rocks--there are no proper roofs, really. Most of them just had the general smell of wet rock, moss, musty water, and the ocean.
Facing this room, though, which looked no different, I was hit by the overwhelming smell of something sick but sweet--kind of like the smell of spoiled meat, or like when something washes up on the beach and dies. (And this was in a place higher than the sea.)
At the same moment, close by my right elbow, but at the level of my ear, somehow I heard this sound. It was like a scraping hiss or someone gurgling or growling with an open mouth. It was short--less than a second, but quite loud, as though it were right beside me.
I felt like I wanted to run, to turn, to leave; but it was more than that--I felt pushed. Not physically, but I felt very much that something there wanted me to leave, to just be gone.
I got out.
I wandered around the grounds outside for a while in a bit of a daze, then just sat on this old staircase of flat rocks set into a slope of the earth, and just stared out at the sea.
I'd like to think the history of the place might've just impressed itself on my imagination; but that smell...that sound--they just didn't seem natural; and I felt so very strongly that the reason for my leaving that spot just as much belonged to something outside of myself as my own will.
...if anything like this ever "happens" it's just me lying in bed trying to sleep and scaring myself with rehashing other people's spooky stories in my head. To have something like this happen, unsummoned, and in broad daylight...gah. I've never imagined anything sensory, either. I want so badly for this to have been my imagination.
I like being able to explain things. I'm an annoying know-it-all-wannabe. I shout out the answers during Jeopardy!.
I cannot explain what happened today, and that scares the shit out of me more than the actual event itself. Even if I could, no one would believe me, or they'd think I imagined it. Geez, if I'd been in a dark room by myself late at night, I'd chalk it up to imagination; but this was broad daylight. I reacted physically. I can't recall anything like this ever happening, exactly. Maybe I repress things, I don't know. Why now? Why would I sense something now?
I was exploring an old fort that's a tourist attraction, locally. I wandered off to a side of the fort where some workers were digging something, but still a ways off. I went down some earthworks towards a demi-bastion and some ruined buildings near the outer wall where there was no one. I looked, before and after, and there was no one about.
I peered into an old kind of store-room or something tiny, then turned to go into the next archway, which led to a larger room, I don't know what purpose it was, but it had a window, so I think it couldn't have been just a store-room, maybe a living space of some sort--all the other store rooms in the fort had no windows.
All of the rooms I'd seen were damp, being unsealed against rain and probably with things seeping through the cracks in the rocks--there are no proper roofs, really. Most of them just had the general smell of wet rock, moss, musty water, and the ocean.
Facing this room, though, which looked no different, I was hit by the overwhelming smell of something sick but sweet--kind of like the smell of spoiled meat, or like when something washes up on the beach and dies. (And this was in a place higher than the sea.)
At the same moment, close by my right elbow, but at the level of my ear, somehow I heard this sound. It was like a scraping hiss or someone gurgling or growling with an open mouth. It was short--less than a second, but quite loud, as though it were right beside me.
I felt like I wanted to run, to turn, to leave; but it was more than that--I felt pushed. Not physically, but I felt very much that something there wanted me to leave, to just be gone.
I got out.
I wandered around the grounds outside for a while in a bit of a daze, then just sat on this old staircase of flat rocks set into a slope of the earth, and just stared out at the sea.
I'd like to think the history of the place might've just impressed itself on my imagination; but that smell...that sound--they just didn't seem natural; and I felt so very strongly that the reason for my leaving that spot just as much belonged to something outside of myself as my own will.
...if anything like this ever "happens" it's just me lying in bed trying to sleep and scaring myself with rehashing other people's spooky stories in my head. To have something like this happen, unsummoned, and in broad daylight...gah. I've never imagined anything sensory, either. I want so badly for this to have been my imagination.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Exposition 2
Alright, so it's come to light that I'm going to Cavan for holidays, pretty much as I'd expected, but what's a bit of a surprise is that M--- is going to Kenmare. Being his reference person I'd expected that I'd be going wherever he were going, although I can see logistical reasons as to why it makes more sense to have W--- (male assistant) going with him. Anyway, we've got a great bunch of lads going to Cavan, but it may well be a learning experience in dealing with a different kind of difficulty than I've been used to in this house. Certainly the problems may be more mental than physical in certain cases, and I'm keen for the challenge though I'm a little bit nervous. (Naturally.) However, I think the worst I can expect is getting cussed out on occasion and I think I'm okay with that, in terms of emotional resilience. Truthfully, I've never been afraid of anyone here, and I'm grateful for that. Sadly I can't say the same for certain other people. :( I just wish it were easier for some people to get along, and that people who are capable of thinking of others would. It's not fair and it's not right--these are homes that we share.
...aaand now I need to go listen to Flowers for Margaret. Again. The "it's not right" sticks in my head. Whoo.
P.S. They're announcing who'll be taking over R---'s position for the next year, and while we all expect it'll be K---, we could still be surprised.
Off to take a shower. Another Monday, and there's too much to do. Team meeting, cleaning, shopping...
Are there ever hours enough in the day?
ETA: Oh my gosh, we were surprised. N--- has come out of nowhere, but the choice seems good and logical. Some people are complaining due to there being issues in the house where N--- lives, citing that she is needed there, but...this is really a good move, I think. One could argue that N--- will probably still live there, and still have a dealing in what problems arise in that house, and her new position will give her more sway, indeed; and more power for when it comes to solving problems. She'll just be doing less laundry and more office work, perhaps. I wish everyone wouldn't act like she's the only competent one in any of the connected houses because they're all very capable people and petty personal problems may taint things and the situation really isn't so dire as it may seem.
...aaand now I need to go listen to Flowers for Margaret. Again. The "it's not right" sticks in my head. Whoo.
P.S. They're announcing who'll be taking over R---'s position for the next year, and while we all expect it'll be K---, we could still be surprised.
Off to take a shower. Another Monday, and there's too much to do. Team meeting, cleaning, shopping...
Are there ever hours enough in the day?
ETA: Oh my gosh, we were surprised. N--- has come out of nowhere, but the choice seems good and logical. Some people are complaining due to there being issues in the house where N--- lives, citing that she is needed there, but...this is really a good move, I think. One could argue that N--- will probably still live there, and still have a dealing in what problems arise in that house, and her new position will give her more sway, indeed; and more power for when it comes to solving problems. She'll just be doing less laundry and more office work, perhaps. I wish everyone wouldn't act like she's the only competent one in any of the connected houses because they're all very capable people and petty personal problems may taint things and the situation really isn't so dire as it may seem.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Precisely WHY I'm in the market for a riding crop.
Dear Menfolk Who Will Remain Nameless,
Yes, I am more interesting than I seem. Thanks for taking note. Please start acting your age and stop tugging on my nose ring. You're going to accidentally pull it out one day and then you will owe me thirty euro. At least.
Piss off with your comments on my creative process. This isn't math, and there is no WRONG ANSWER in how you go about writing something.
Ruth, Gene, Ashley--you guys are life savers. Where would I be without you?
Maybe I've just been driven mildly mad after spending the better part of the day re-sizing a chunk of my holiday pictures for better ease of uploading and emailing. That must be it. Normally I want to adopt Photoshop as my baby and love it forever. Today I ended with wanting to stab it in the face. You know, if it HAD a face.
So if anyone can find me a decent, simple, classy riding crop to go around thwacking things with (...why do they stitch tasteless little leather hands onto the ends? If I feel that strongly about it, I'll just slap someone with my own hand, thanks,) let me know.
Yes, I am more interesting than I seem. Thanks for taking note. Please start acting your age and stop tugging on my nose ring. You're going to accidentally pull it out one day and then you will owe me thirty euro. At least.
Piss off with your comments on my creative process. This isn't math, and there is no WRONG ANSWER in how you go about writing something.
Ruth, Gene, Ashley--you guys are life savers. Where would I be without you?
Maybe I've just been driven mildly mad after spending the better part of the day re-sizing a chunk of my holiday pictures for better ease of uploading and emailing. That must be it. Normally I want to adopt Photoshop as my baby and love it forever. Today I ended with wanting to stab it in the face. You know, if it HAD a face.
So if anyone can find me a decent, simple, classy riding crop to go around thwacking things with (...why do they stitch tasteless little leather hands onto the ends? If I feel that strongly about it, I'll just slap someone with my own hand, thanks,) let me know.
Friday, July 4, 2008
Exposition 1
Have not blogged in an age, nor LiveJournaled either. Who can say why? The upheaval I've been experiencing has been nigh unparalleled by anything since my tumultuous entrance into this world.
I've started a new blog, as the co-blog with Jackie has rather fallen into disuse and my anger issues work themselves out in different ways, now; and the two others I created I never posted in because I never felt they were quite right, and yet I cannot figure how to delete them.
So...turning over a new leaf, I suppose. For a while I was just using this account to comment on other blogs, like Jake's, because I just have to squeal over baby pictures and torrid accounts of whatever horrible things went on during the process of his becoming a new dad. Bwaha. If and when I ever give birth, I will be consoled in that I needn't watch what's happening at the business end of things, as it were.
I've started a new blog, as the co-blog with Jackie has rather fallen into disuse and my anger issues work themselves out in different ways, now; and the two others I created I never posted in because I never felt they were quite right, and yet I cannot figure how to delete them.
So...turning over a new leaf, I suppose. For a while I was just using this account to comment on other blogs, like Jake's, because I just have to squeal over baby pictures and torrid accounts of whatever horrible things went on during the process of his becoming a new dad. Bwaha. If and when I ever give birth, I will be consoled in that I needn't watch what's happening at the business end of things, as it were.
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